The Path of Guilt
Or
Ashes On the Head and Other Silliness
I had occasion recently to have some very old history
tossed in My face .. literally .. and was held liable
by someone who felt they had grievance with me
We made peace between us, however
it made me rethink a great many things .. Again :)
First and foremost was the concept of guilt
and its relevance to my life on the Pagan Path and in General
As a Priestess .. I am expected to know myself
as with any true walker of the Pagan way .. Right , Wrong
or Indifferent, part of the training is to really look at the self
warts and all .. to make peace with the Self.. regardless
of past foolishness, and to accept others and accept yourself
So
where does guilt fit it ? Or does it..? :)
I have not always been a firm believer in
if you do wrong, you make amends .. you apologize..
then ya get over it..!
This I had to learn. Queen of the guilt trip here !
I had it down to an Art form. Until I finally realized what a waste of time,
energy and emotion it was. It didn't help the other person
and it dang sure didn't make ME feel any better about it all,
making amends however .. did
But that's not enough for some, some want tears, pain, misery
for them to believe that you feel sorry for any wrong you did
Or even wrong they THINK you did !
OK
.. Why ?
If I tear my hair and cry Mea culpa,
is this going to somehow make things right ?
If I make myself feel bad enough
is this somehow going to make anything better for the person I wronged?
If I Deny myself happiness,
is this going to help the other party to BE happy ?
Answer ?.. Of Course Not...!
One
look at any of the
above and a rational person goes
None of that will change
anything for the better !
In fact, it could make
it worse
Feelings of Guilt are
a cop out we all do,
but they are sentiment
without substance
It is the act
of feeling
bad over something,
in place of really taking
action about it
Any action requires two things
One the knowledge that there is a NEED to take action
And two .. The will to do so
The first must come before the second, knowledge
You have to know someone's been hurt over some action or non action
of yours ... to even begin a process of amends
So if your feeling guilt over some action you didn't know did an injury,
where there was no intent on your part, to do an injury, then stop right there !
It's
the other parties
responsibility to bring it to your attention if they feel injured
and if they didn't,
how can
you be liable for their pains, if you did not know ?
Then comes the will to
action
taking responsibility
for your own acts
and making whatever reparations
are needed
But moan and cry and
thrash about in a wallow of self mortification
FOR WHAT ! ?
There
is only one reason
for this foolish display,
because somewhere, sometime,
someone taught you or them,
that to be forgiven you
must " PAY " for your trespass with
this display of misery
and remorse
The person who tossed the old History in my face
called me a Heartless cold Bi... well you get the idea :)
because they had never seen me cry
over these events they took great pains to tell me about
They did that day .. but not for the events they came to tell
but for the pain they caused me with their rage
over things I could not undo .. or take back,
and in most cases, was not really to blame for
They ended up apologizing to me,
for wanting to make me Cry and realized for themselves
that they were the ones with a problem .. Not with me .. but with themselves
As they wanted to hold me liable for their current actions based on past events
A responsibility I am not liable for.. no matter how well or how badly I acted
Any grown person is responsible for their own actions,
no matter who did what, or when or how, you have been hurt
Even if life has handed you the worst possible events, this does not mean
you get to blame that for doing as bad or worse ... Yourself !
On the Pagan Way each person is responsible for their own actions
and most assuredly for their own RE-actions to life in general
The one thing I learned in the early days of training for the Path
is the only thing I really have any control over is myself,
my actions and how I respond to the actions of others
I can do things with good intent, or not
I can response to things with sense and reason and understanding
Or not .. That is all I or anyone else has any say over.. Ever
Do I always get this right ? HA ! What am I a saint ? Oh no, still working on it
and most likely will still be working on it when I breath my last on this Earth !
But I try, Goddess help me, I try
And sometimes, I fail to act correctly and lose it, my temper, my patience
( Boy do I got a lot of work to do on that one ! )
My overall good sense .. and My will to behave so
It happens .. I apologize and get on with it
But guilt for these lapses of good sense ?
Yes, it's a possible response, but a wasteful one, as it does nothing,
other than to make you miserable
You can't accomplish much good in life, even to making amends
if you spend most of your time feeling bad, for being human
We are responsible for what we do .. Yes
Does this mean spend the rest of your days in regret
over a moments foolishness or rage .. ?
NO
One of the things we learn on the Path to self enlightenment,
is not to waste the Energy of Life, on fruitless endeavors
Guilt is such a waste .. it serves no one
If you try and make amends and the other party does not accept it ?
Their loss .. not yours .. forgive them their need for vengeance
and get on with the businesses of living
Maybe light Candles for them and say prayers
that the darkness they carry be lightened
if they insist on holding on to pain. But do not bear burdens
that are not your own .. No one has the right to ask you to do that.
It does not serve the Good, it does not Serve the Gods
it does not serve them, nor does it serve YOU
Just my two cents on the subject :)
Compainion
Work
What
to do when it hits the fan
Dealing
with Guilt part two
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